On the girltalk blog I recently read that, “If you only read one parenting book ever, read Duties of Parents by J.C. Ryle." Two weeks ago, I only needed $5 in order to qualify for free shipping so, of course, I had to order it.
;) I am loving it, but I’m also
convicted by the millions of ways in which I fall short as Aidan’s mama. Ryle gives 17 duties for parents, and I’ll
share with you the first three (with more to come):
1. Train your children in the way they should
go, and not in the way that they would [go].
Because
of original sin (thanks, Adam), our children have a natural bent towards
evil. The only thing we can be certain about as parents of little ones is
that they will have a “corrupt and sinful heart” (Proverbs 22:15, 29:15). Ryle writes, “Self-will is almost the first
thing that appears in a child’s mind; and it must be your first step to resist
it.” How true this is! “I don’t want to, Mom.” “No, I want a cookie not a banana.” These were just a few of yesterday’s comments
from my 2.5 year old. As loving parents,
we must think for our children, act for them, and not allow them to give in to their wayward inclinations.
2. Train up your child with all tenderness, affection,
and patience.
I
hear so many parents – even those in the Church – who speak to their children
in a way that makes me cringe. It breaks
my heart. Ryle encourages just the
opposite - parents are to be kind, gentle, patient, sympathetic, and loving
toward our children. He says these are
the “clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart.”
“Sternness
and severity of manner chill them and throw them back…But let them see that you
have an affectionate feeling towards them, – that you are really desirous to
make them happy and do them good, - that if you punish them, it is intended for
their profit…”
I
also like how Ryle compares children to young plants – they are weak and tender
creatures. They need gentle watering a
little at a time. This reminds me of
what a friend said recently: She chooses one thing about each of her girls that
she wants to train them in (i.e. coming immediately when they’re called) and
then focuses on that one thing for month.
“We must pour in the wine of knowledge gradually, or much will be
spilled and lost.”
“Love is one grand secret of successful
training.”
3. Train your children with an abiding
persuasion on your mind that much depends upon you.
As
noted above, our children have a natural bent toward evil. Thankfully, the call of God in the life of a
believer, by grace, is irresistible. But
Ryle reminds us that after nature and grace, education is the most powerful
shaping tool in the lives of our children.
“We are made what we are by training.”
He
quotes Cecil:
He has seen but little of life who does not
discern everywhere the effect of education on men’s opinions and habits of
thinking. The children bring out of the nursery
that which displays itself throughout their lives.
And
Englishman Locke:
That all of the men we meet with, nine parts
out of ten are what they are, good or bad, useful or not, according to their
education.
Our
children have minds like clay in their early years; we must use this for our
benefit (and theirs) and train them in the way they should go (Proverbs
22:6). Let’s go forward training our
children in obedience, trusting that the LORD will turn the water into wine.
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