Duties of Parents (Part I)

On the girltalk blog I recently read that, “If you only read one parenting book ever, read Duties of Parents by J.C. Ryle."   Two weeks ago, I only needed $5 in order to qualify for free shipping so, of course, I had to order it.  ;)  I am loving it, but I’m also convicted by the millions of ways in which I fall short as Aidan’s mama.  Ryle gives 17 duties for parents, and I’ll share with you the first three (with more to come):

1.       Train your children in the way they should go, and not in the way that they would [go].

Because of original sin (thanks, Adam), our children have a natural bent towards evil.  The only thing we can be certain about as parents of little ones is that they will have a “corrupt and sinful heart” (Proverbs 22:15, 29:15).  Ryle writes, “Self-will is almost the first thing that appears in a child’s mind; and it must be your first step to resist it.”  How true this is!  “I don’t want to, Mom.”  “No, I want a cookie not a banana.”  These were just a few of yesterday’s comments from my 2.5 year old.  As loving parents, we must think for our children, act for them, and not allow them to give in to their wayward inclinations.

2.       Train up your child with all tenderness, affection, and patience.

I hear so many parents – even those in the Church – who speak to their children in a way that makes me cringe.  It breaks my heart.  Ryle encourages just the opposite - parents are to be kind, gentle, patient, sympathetic, and loving toward our children.   He says these are the “clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart.” 

“Sternness and severity of manner chill them and throw them back…But let them see that you have an affectionate feeling towards them, – that you are really desirous to make them happy and do them good, - that if you punish them, it is intended for their profit…”

I also like how Ryle compares children to young plants – they are weak and tender creatures.  They need gentle watering a little at a time.  This reminds me of what a friend said recently: She chooses one thing about each of her girls that she wants to train them in (i.e. coming immediately when they’re called) and then focuses on that one thing for month.  “We must pour in the wine of knowledge gradually, or much will be spilled and lost.” 

“Love is one grand secret of successful training.”

3.       Train your children with an abiding persuasion on your mind that much depends upon you.

As noted above, our children have a natural bent toward evil.  Thankfully, the call of God in the life of a believer, by grace, is irresistible.  But Ryle reminds us that after nature and grace, education is the most powerful shaping tool in the lives of our children.  “We are made what we are by training.”

He quotes Cecil:

He has seen but little of life who does not discern everywhere the effect of education on men’s opinions and habits of thinking.  The children bring out of the nursery that which displays itself throughout their lives.

And Englishman Locke:

That all of the men we meet with, nine parts out of ten are what they are, good or bad, useful or not, according to their education.

Our children have minds like clay in their early years; we must use this for our benefit (and theirs) and train them in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6).  Let’s go forward training our children in obedience, trusting that the LORD will turn the water into wine.