Lines of a Story

Having just had a baby, this post was super encouraging and has changed how I view this sticky-out belly, disgusting purple spider veins, and two scars across my lower abdomen:

Lines of a Story

I am thankful that God used this body of mine to bring two of His children into the world (even if it will never be the same again!).

Moms of Boys

A blogger friend recommended

 and, since ordering it from Amazon, I've been reflecting a lot lately on how to raise Aidan - particularly the aspects in which he needs to be parented differently than his little sister.  I am very excited to begin reading this book.  Unfortunately, it was delivered two days ago to the shipping dock at Children's Hospital and hasn't quite gotten to me yet.  So today, while I not-so-patiently waited for my package, I found this podcast at Desiring God: A Mother's Role in Raising Boys.  Piper gives

Six Roles for Mother's of Boys

1. Teach the whole counsel of God 

Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching (Prov. 1:8).

Paul reminds Timothy of the essential role his grandmother and mother played in his faith (I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well (II Timothy 1:5)), and encourages him to continue on in the faith he has learned and firmly believed (3:14)

 

2. Expect obedience 

We must require our sons to recognize our authority over them as instituted by God.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right (Ephesians 6:1).

And as a side-note: I absolutely LOVE that this is the only commandment that comes with a promise. What is promised to the children who obey?  That is may go well with you and that you may live long in the land (6:3).

3. Model strong womanhood

...imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit...

...submitting to their own husbands...

...do good...

...do not fear anything that is frightening...

(I Peter 3) 

A godly woman is strong and laughs at time to come; her trust in God enables her to laugh in the face of uncertain times (Proverbs 31). 

I am currently reading Mary Kassian's book Girls Gone Wise and it contains 20 points of contrast between a Girl Gone Wild & a Girl Gone Wise.  It is the BEST book - it truly paints a picture of a beautiful, strong, and Godly woman.  I highly recommend it.

4. Honor the leadership and protective instincts of your husband

Our sons should see a strong woman deferring to the Godly leadership of a strong man.  Piper mentioned how his mom was omni-competent when his dad was away - she could do anything.  When his dad came home, Mom beamed with joy that he could now be the one to lead prayer at the table, say that it was time for church, etc. Piper marveled that she could be everything in Dad's absence and loving his leadership when he was home. 

5. Point your son to strong manhood

Show your son what strong manhood looks like using Scripture, media, books, etc.  

Strong men are protective, initiative-taking, courageous, and strong.

I am so so thankful that Aidan just has to look at his daddy to know what a strong man is!

6. Expect strong manhood from your sons 

Give him responsibilities early on.  Insist on politeness toward his mom and sister (for example: hold the door).  Show him how to treat girls in a respectful and attentive way.

Piper ends by saying, "This brings something unique to the sexual wholeness for sons."  Sexual wholeness is essential, especially in light of the growing acceptance of being gay.  I wasn't too proud to be a Minnesotan yesterday when the gay marriage amendment was signed into law.

Hopefully my lost Amazon package comes soon, and I will blog about what I learn in it about nurturing boys.  Today is day #15 of bedrest; I'm HALFWAY!  June 1 is still the "go" date if all continues to go well.  Thanks for your continued prayers!

Mother's Day

David Mathis from Desiring God wrote this amazing article in honor of Mother's Day:

Her Children Arise and Call Her Blessed

What a high and important calling it is to be a mother.  Bedrest has given me much time to pray and reflect on my nearly three years as a mom, and I pray that God will allow me to be even a fraction of the mom that Charles Spurgeon had.  I love the excerpts about her from the above article:

I am sure that, in my early youth, no teaching ever made such an impression upon my mind as the instruction of my mother; neither can I conceive that, to any child, there can be one who will have such influence over the heart as the mother who has so tenderly cared for her offspring. . . .

Never could it be possible for any man to estimate what he owes to a godly mother. Certainly I have not the powers of speech with which to set forth my valuation of the choice blessing which the Lord bestowed on me in making me the son of one who prayed for me, and prayed with me.

Wow - a high and holy calling, indeed!  Happy Mother's Day!

 I love being mama to these two.

Duties of Parents (Part II)

I'm loving J.C. Ryle's Duties of Parents.  

 

4. Train with this thought continually before your eyes - that the soul of your child is the first thing to be considered.

The eternal souls of our children should be of greatest interest to us!  We must teach them that the chief end of their lives is the salvation of their souls.  "In every step you take about them, in every plan, and scheme, and arrangement that concerns them, do not leave out that mighty question, "How will this affect their souls?"  Ryle also mentions that training children this way will seem strange to the world - but he who has trained his children for heaven will be called wise in the end.

5. Train your child to knowledge of the Bible.

Only the Holy Spirit can cause our children to delight in God's Word, but we can acquaint them with it.  Ryle writes that children who are well-grounded in the Word tend not to waver or be carried about by the winds of various doctrines.  All other books must take second place in our homes and memorization of the Bible chief priority - even over catechism (Ps. 138:2).  Three things to note about Bible reading according to Ryle: read it all, read it reverently, and read it regularly.  Instruct them of sin, Jesus (& redemption), and the work of the Holy Spirit.

I was convicted after reading this one that my focus has been on the catechism with Aidan and not on Scripture.  So we began with Genesis 1:1 last week.  I was impressed and thankful for how readily and easily he memorized it.  Those young minds are truly like sponges.

6. Train them to a habit of prayer.

Ryle says three main things about prayer:

Prayer is the life-breath of true religion.

Prayer is the one great secret of spiritual prosperity.

Prayer is the mightiest engine God has placed in our hands.

He says that if we truly love our children, we will train them to a habit of prayer.  Show them how.  Encourage them.  Remind them when they slack.  We must help our children develop a healthy, regular prayer life.

Duties of Parents (Part I)

On the girltalk blog I recently read that, “If you only read one parenting book ever, read Duties of Parents by J.C. Ryle."   Two weeks ago, I only needed $5 in order to qualify for free shipping so, of course, I had to order it.  ;)  I am loving it, but I’m also convicted by the millions of ways in which I fall short as Aidan’s mama.  Ryle gives 17 duties for parents, and I’ll share with you the first three (with more to come):

1.       Train your children in the way they should go, and not in the way that they would [go].

Because of original sin (thanks, Adam), our children have a natural bent towards evil.  The only thing we can be certain about as parents of little ones is that they will have a “corrupt and sinful heart” (Proverbs 22:15, 29:15).  Ryle writes, “Self-will is almost the first thing that appears in a child’s mind; and it must be your first step to resist it.”  How true this is!  “I don’t want to, Mom.”  “No, I want a cookie not a banana.”  These were just a few of yesterday’s comments from my 2.5 year old.  As loving parents, we must think for our children, act for them, and not allow them to give in to their wayward inclinations.

2.       Train up your child with all tenderness, affection, and patience.

I hear so many parents – even those in the Church – who speak to their children in a way that makes me cringe.  It breaks my heart.  Ryle encourages just the opposite - parents are to be kind, gentle, patient, sympathetic, and loving toward our children.   He says these are the “clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart.” 

“Sternness and severity of manner chill them and throw them back…But let them see that you have an affectionate feeling towards them, – that you are really desirous to make them happy and do them good, - that if you punish them, it is intended for their profit…”

I also like how Ryle compares children to young plants – they are weak and tender creatures.  They need gentle watering a little at a time.  This reminds me of what a friend said recently: She chooses one thing about each of her girls that she wants to train them in (i.e. coming immediately when they’re called) and then focuses on that one thing for month.  “We must pour in the wine of knowledge gradually, or much will be spilled and lost.” 

“Love is one grand secret of successful training.”

3.       Train your children with an abiding persuasion on your mind that much depends upon you.

As noted above, our children have a natural bent toward evil.  Thankfully, the call of God in the life of a believer, by grace, is irresistible.  But Ryle reminds us that after nature and grace, education is the most powerful shaping tool in the lives of our children.  “We are made what we are by training.”

He quotes Cecil:

He has seen but little of life who does not discern everywhere the effect of education on men’s opinions and habits of thinking.  The children bring out of the nursery that which displays itself throughout their lives.

And Englishman Locke:

That all of the men we meet with, nine parts out of ten are what they are, good or bad, useful or not, according to their education.

Our children have minds like clay in their early years; we must use this for our benefit (and theirs) and train them in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6).  Let’s go forward training our children in obedience, trusting that the LORD will turn the water into wine.

Fall Schedule

I love schedules.

I love to plan.

This is often much to the chagrin of my parents.

But I'm thankful my husband loves my love for plans and schedules!

This summer we had such a blast staying up late, running here and there, and having spontaneous nights out with friends.  However, I knew it was time to get on a good schedule with the arrival of fall.

I spent some time researching two year old schedules (I love the Chronicles of a Babywise Mom site), but finally just created one that works for our family.

Schedule

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday

Time	Aidan	Mama
5:30a		Cardio Sculpt (MWF)
6:40a		Devotions
7:30a	Wake-up
7:45a	Breakfast	Breakfast
8:15a	Watch show	Shower & dress
9:15a	Independent play	Housework
10:15a	“Mama Time”	“Aidan Time” (Play, school, read, color, crafts, etc.)
11:15	Outside	Outside
12noon	Lunch	Lunch
12:30p	Nap	Blog, read, phone dates, nap, deep cleaning, friends
3:30p	Outside, errands, walk Leo	Outside, errands, walk Leo
5:30p	Supper	Supper

  

On Thursday mornings, we either go to Mommy's Group or to the library and a park.

Fridays are Brian's day off so we try to do something special as a family.

If you are a stay-at-home-mom (or have been), what is your schedule like?  I'd love suggestions and to see how others do it.

Loving the Little Years (Part I)

In December I read Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic and recently pulled it out to reread it.  The topics are random - there is no rhyme or reason to her chapter titles or order (as far as I can tell).  At first I dismissed it, but now, because of the excellent content, I'm rereading it and creating my own subtitles under her crazy chapter titles so that I can easily decipher her main points.  This morning I was encouraged by what I read in the first four chapters:

Chapter 2: "In the Rock Tumbler" aka Motherhood is a sanctification process!

• Motherhood is an opportunity for growth and refinement.  We must always deal with ourselves before we deal with our children.  God deals with us gently and patiently; He demonstrates kindness toward us even though we fail daily.  Why, then, do we sometimes want to hold our children's sin, annoyances, etc. against them?  
• "God has given us the job of teaching His law and demonstrating His grace.  We are to be guides to our children as they learn to walk with God."  
• "Sin is just a fact of life.  It is the way we deal with it that changes ours."

Chapter 3: "Picky Chickens" aka Discipline is a way to show grace and build up your children.

•  Chickens peck at one another.  We must teach our children not to be like chickens - they are not to fuss and bicker with one another.  And, when we view parenting as an opportunity for our own refinement and growth (see chapter 2), it's easier to see how we may be doing just that in our "discipline."
• "So think about your language with your children.  When they disobey, do you talk about your own hurt?  Are you pointing to all the work that you have to do now that they screwed up?  Do you want to elaborate at all on how bad, bad, bad that particular thing was?  Do you want to see them feel bad, or see them with a clear conscience so that you can have a little snuggle tickle-fest?"
• "Try thinking of discipline as a different kind of nourishment - a sweet means of grace to your children."
• They should leave your "table" of discipline feeling refreshed in God's and your love for them - not picked apart.

Chapter 4: "Fruit of the Spirit Speed Quiz" aka Continue to discipline faithfully and you will see fruit (in your life and theirs)

• The author compares a mother's day to a math fact speed test: Instead of subtraction problems, ours are little tests for "patience, for our peace, for our kindness."
• In the same way, our children receive little tests throughout the day; we are to treat their struggles with sin like math problems - it takes practice, practice and more practice to overcome them. 
• Don't be discouraged if it seems like you're fighting the same battles multiple times a day - it's all too easy to forget about their progress.  Look back a month - what problems were at the forefront then?  The problems of today are probably new ones.  Therefore, be encouraged!  You are making progress.  Discipline works.
• Discipline is a gift you give to your children; discipline gives your children the skills they need to deal with life.
• "Spank yourself" if your children aren't getting it.  "Because if you are the teacher and none of the students are succeeding, you need to be doing a better job.  You need to think of new ways to explain the lessons.  Change up the terminology a bit.  Give some illustrations." 
• (I remember a professor telling us once that if we, teachers, were frustrated by our students' behavior, it was our fault.  In my six years of teaching, I found that to be SO true.  Now it's true for me in parenting too.)
• If your children are having trouble understanding their poor behavior, use an illustration.  "Setting behaviors into stories is a great way to communicate to little people."

As I pull main points out of her chapters, I am beginning to see rhyme & reason to her order.  I just needed to give it a second chance!  If you're a reader with young children, I hope you are encouraged to continue to discipline faithfully each day as you reflect on your own heart.  May our efforts with our children be blessed and not return void!

A Reminder

 

Life has changed since Aidan's second birthday.

He is still the most wonderful, happy little man, but he's now suddenly very certain of what he wants.

Unfortunately, as Aidan's mama, I need to make sure that what he is doing is what is best for him at the moment.  Sometimes there is a collision between what is best and what he wants.

 

For example, a few Mondays ago I was busy working on my long "To-Do" list when Aidan continually let himself outside - either into the garage or the backyard.  Exasperated by chasing him down time & time again, I turned my list over and slid it out of sight.  Aidan and I spent the rest of the day practicing asking Mommy to go outside and then finding other activities to do if Mommy's answer is, "Not now."

 

Even though Aidan - his character, his training, etc. - is much more important to me than a "To-Do" list, it is definitely difficult to let the dishes sit in the sink, the laundry go unfolded and the beds unmade in order to "train him up in the way he should go".  However, I know that my greatest accomplishment each day isn't a clean house or an edible meal, it is nurturing the child that God has entrusted to my care.  As Ginger Plowman writes, "It is my calling, my priority, my struggle, and my goal."

She goes on to say motherhood, "[Is] about molding character, building confidence [in Christ], nurturing, training, and guiding...A mother's influence has enormous potential to shape the person a child becomes, for good or ill."

Thomas Edison said wonderful things about his mother, "My mother was the making of me.  She was so true, so sure of me;  and I felt that I had someone to live for, someone I must not disappoint."  George Washington said, "My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw.  All that I am I owe to my mother.  I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual, and physical education I received from her."

The mothers of these great men reached their hearts, by God's grace.  Moms, let's pray daily that we may be faithful to our high calling of nurturing our children in the LORD.  Aren't we so thankful that God works even through sinful us, for His glory?!  I sure am - it's so humbling!

Lastly, the girltalk blog is doing a series on Motherhood.  It's so good.  I encourage you to head on over and be encouraged in your calling.

Girltalk

Everyday

This is the 18.5 month old that I get to spend everyday with.

Our everydays aren't too exciting, but I am so thankful for them.

I try to bring glory to His name everyday by serving my family with a joyful heart (I Corinthians 10:31). If this wasn't my goal or calling, I might find myself getting frustrated with certain things everyday...

Almost everyday Aidan tries on my necklaces.

Everyday my jewelry box looks like this.

Everyday Aidan goes inside the closets or bedrooms, waves, says "Bye-bye" and closes the door.

Everyday Aidan gets Daddy's razor out of the bathroom drawer.

 

 Everyday the toys miraculously move from the playroom to the living room.

Everyday Aidan uses the vacuum.

Everyday Aidan & Leo check out what is in the pantry.

Everyday they're looking for fruit snacks.

 Everyday (in the winter) Aidan has long socks on.

 Everyday Aidan jams and dances.

Everyday he gets upset about something.

But thankfully it only lasts a second or two.

Everyday Daddy plays with Aidan.

It's his* favorite time of the day.

(*The pronoun can be used for either Aidan or Brian!)

Everyday Leo sits in Daddy's lap.

Everyday Aidan cuddles Leo too.

Everyday Aidan plays independently with his toys in the playroom.

 Everyday Aidan reads books with Daddy and Mommy.

Everyday Aidan watches Baby Einstein.

Don't be deceived by this picture; he loves it.

(He dropped his morning nap so Mommy needs a chance to get ready for the day!)

Everyday Aidan loves to ride in the laundry basket.

Everyday Aidan gets out his cup and sits at his little table.

Everyday I am thankful to be Aidan's mama.

It is a joy.

To-Spank or Not-to-Spank?

Recently, Christianity Today wrote an online-editorial explaining their stance against spanking.

Denny Burk responds, and he does an excellent job giving parents the biblical foundations for "training up a child in the way he should go..." (Proverbs 22:6).

Enjoy the article here.

Parenting in the Pew

I love going to church.  I love getting to worship our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I love that my husband is my pastor.  I love his sermons.  I love that I feel spiritually full after Sunday morning worship.

Enter in a 17 month old: Aidan Lund.  In the service, his 28 pound body doesn't like to face forward, sit still, play with toys or be held.  He likes to face backwards and stare, push against me while I'm trying to hold him and the hymnal, empty the contents of the diaper bag onto the floor, and make noise when he doesn't like being told, "No."  He makes my Sunday mornings a lot more, well...interesting!  

Our church has a tiny mother's room labeled Nursery with an assigned weekly attendant who may or may not show up.  This, in itself, informs you that the congregants want you to keep your child in the service.  

But I don't want my noisy, busy little man distracting others from worship, nor do I want him making it difficult for his preacher daddy to form coherent sentences due to all of his distractions.  Of course I believe that the LORD wants all of His creatures to worship Him, but I'm just not convinced that now is the right time for Aidan to be in the service despite what most in our church believe.

So I purchased:

And she's calmed my fears: she says it's OK to keep your child out of the service until 3 years of age!  "Older infants and toddlers up to two and a half or three years old do well in the nursery...Three-year-olds and some younger children, can be trained to participate in worship that includes the creed, Scripture readings, music, and offering...By about the fourth year of age, children can be in the worship service for the entire time," (pg 59).

 

In their family, the fourth birthday is a rite of passage - you are now officially able to be in the service the entire time!  They make it such a big, wonderful deal that her children often asked to be in the service long before their fourth birthday.

Author (and pastor's wife) Robbie Castleman's main premise is that we, as parents, are to demonstrate to our children what worship is: the surrender of our souls to a God who is jealous for our attention, time, and love (pg 24).  We are to show by example what it means to "seek God, to love his Son and to respond to the Holy Spirit in worship," (pg 25).   Our attitude toward worship will transfer over to our children - are we excited to worship our Lord and Savior?  Are we excited to sit under the preaching of God's holy Word?  If so, our young children will be too.

To help with this, Mrs. Castleman encourages parents to make Sunday the best day of the week!  She says, for example, to create a different Sunday morning routine that includes a special yummy breakfast.  And don't be rushed or frustrated...let Sundays (even the mornings before church) be a true, calm Sabbath rest.

 

I really enjoy what she has to say, and I will post more about what it really looks like to parent in the pew.  But for now, WHEW - I breathe a sigh of relief - it's OK to have Aidan in the nursery.

 

PS - A friend, Rachel, wrote recently on her blog that she is going to start training her 20 month old son to sit in worship.  I asked her to write about how she's going to go about this task...and I hope she does; I am so curious!  There are many differing viewpoints on children in the service (or not), and you have to do what you believe is most honoring to God and best for your family.    Any thoughts or advice?