Monday, August 13, 2012

Loving the Little Years (Part I)

In December I read Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic and recently pulled it out to reread it.  The topics are random - there is no rhyme or reason to her chapter titles or order (as far as I can tell).  At first I dismissed it, but now, because of the excellent content, I'm rereading it and creating my own subtitles under her crazy chapter titles so that I can easily decipher her main points.  This morning I was encouraged by what I read in the first four chapters:

Chapter 2: "In the Rock Tumbler" aka Motherhood is a sanctification process!
  • Motherhood is an opportunity for growth and refinement.  We must always deal with ourselves before we deal with our children.  God deals with us gently and patiently; He demonstrates kindness toward us even though we fail daily.  Why, then, do we sometimes want to hold our children's sin, annoyances, etc. against them?  
  • "God has given us the job of teaching His law and demonstrating His grace.  We are to be guides to our children as they learn to walk with God."  
  • "Sin is just a fact of life.  It is the way we deal with it that changes ours."
Chapter 3: "Picky Chickens" aka Discipline is a way to show grace and build up your children.
  •  Chickens peck at one another.  We must teach our children not to be like chickens - they are not to fuss and bicker with one another.  And, when we view parenting as an opportunity for our own refinement and growth (see chapter 2), it's easier to see how we may be doing just that in our "discipline."
    • "So think about your language with your children.  When they disobey, do you talk about your own hurt?  Are you pointing to all the work that you have to do now that they screwed up?  Do you want to elaborate at all on how bad, bad, bad that particular thing was?  Do you want to see them feel bad, or see them with a clear conscience so that you can have a little snuggle tickle-fest?"
    • "Try thinking of discipline as a different kind of nourishment - a sweet means of grace to your children."
      • They should leave your "table" of discipline feeling refreshed in God's and your love for them - not picked apart.
Chapter 4: "Fruit of the Spirit Speed Quiz" aka Continue to discipline faithfully and you will see fruit (in your life and theirs)
  • The author compares a mother's day to a math fact speed test: Instead of subtraction problems, ours are little tests for "patience, for our peace, for our kindness."
  • In the same way, our children receive little tests throughout the day; we are to treat their struggles with sin like math problems - it takes practice, practice and more practice to overcome them. 
  • Don't be discouraged if it seems like you're fighting the same battles multiple times a day - it's all too easy to forget about their progress.  Look back a month - what problems were at the forefront then?  The problems of today are probably new ones.  Therefore, be encouraged!  You are making progress.  Discipline works.
  • Discipline is a gift you give to your children; discipline gives your children the skills they need to deal with life.
  • "Spank yourself" if your children aren't getting it.  "Because if you are the teacher and none of the students are succeeding, you need to be doing a better job.  You need to think of new ways to explain the lessons.  Change up the terminology a bit.  Give some illustrations." 
    • (I remember a professor telling us once that if we, teachers, were frustrated by our students' behavior, it was our fault.  In my six years of teaching, I found that to be SO true.  Now it's true for me in parenting too.)
    • If your children are having trouble understanding their poor behavior, use an illustration.  "Setting behaviors into stories is a great way to communicate to little people."
As I pull main points out of her chapters, I am beginning to see rhyme & reason to her order.  I just needed to give it a second chance!  If you're a reader with young children, I hope you are encouraged to continue to discipline faithfully each day as you reflect on your own heart.  May our efforts with our children be blessed and not return void!

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