The Shaping of a Christian Family

My mother-in-law just lent me

The Shaping of a Christian Family by Elisabeth Elliot.

I have always enjoyed Elisabeth Elliot, but this one may be my favorite book of hers thus far!

It is a biography of the family she was raised in; there are many excerpts from her mother's diary and writings to give the reader an inside look into how her parents laid such a Godly foundation.  It is practical, genuine and sometimes humorous.  I am only 1/3 of the way through this book, but I am going to bullet-point some of the things that I've read, all of which have encouraged, convicted, and challenged me!

Her Childhood Home

• It was obvious the LORD was calling Elisabeth's parents from the mission field, yet they desired to stay.  However, they were obedient and her father went to work as an editor.  Elisabeth writes, "...I saw in that decision a revelation of the vital principles of my parents' lives: they loved God, they trusted Him, they meant to obey Him no matter what the sacrifice, no matter how their obedience might change the course of their lives," (page 51).
• This change required a move to a small, not as nice (but cheap) house.  She writes, "To me it was a perfectly good house, and it was not until years later that I realized how gloomy and cramped it was to my parents...If we had heard them complain we would have felt deprived, for children are quick to pick up the parents' attitudes to everything.  Because they never betrayed a hint of discontent that I recall we took the house for granted..." (page 52).
• The home was disciplined, orderly, and calm.  For example, "If we wanted someone in another room or on another floor we did not shout, we went where they were," (page 52). 
• They were very frugal; her mother always quoted, "Wicked waste makes woeful want!"  They learned to not squeeze out more toothpaste than necessary, turn off all the lights when they left room, etc.  But "There was always money for God, money to buy books, enough to feed and clothe us - very - modesty (I rarely had more than two pairs of shoes at a time...), and my clothes, as Mother said, had been worn by somebody else," (page 64).
• They truly were lovers of hospitality (I Peter 4:9-10).  Despite their small house, there was one bedroom set aside for guests.  The door was always closed when it wasn't in use so it would smell good (and there were always clean sheets on the bed).  Elisabeth's parents felt it very important for their children to meet Christian men and women from all walks of life.  In forty years, they had people from 44 countries into their home!  
• "Our home was very orderly.  The grass was trimmed, the porch swept, wagons, bicycles, and sleds put away in the garage.  Schoolbooks, shoes, papers, or toys did not adorn the front hall or living room, towels were hung straight in the bathroom...A perfect home.  Was it?  Of course not.  It could not have been impeccable at all times, but this is my impression of it...This was a visible sign of an invisible reality.  Our parents believed in a God of order, Creator of a universe arranged in an orderly fashion, each thing in its appointed spot... [Exodus 40:4-5, 22-23), " (page 73).
• The family was always punctual.  "Lateness is stealing.  You are robbing others of their most irreplaceable commodity, time," her father wrote (page 76).  There was also a regular schedule and this, Elisabeth writes, "it gave us a great security," (page 77).
• "Mother was always there for us.  Always.  When my father was asked to lead a tour group to Palestine...Mother would have loved to go along.  She didn't.  She stayed home with us.  When he lead another tour group to Europe...Mother stayed home.  It never occurred to us that it might be any other way," (page 78).  That was her life - Mrs. Howard didn't feel like she deserved a break or that she needed a "life of her own."  Elisabeth writes, "...and we were much the richer for it."

Her Father

• Her father was a simple, humble man of integrity who truly consecrated himself to the LORD daily (John 17:19) and took the responsibility of fatherhood very seriously.  He spent time with Christ daily, reading His Word and in prayer both individually before children awoke and corporately with his family.  Elisabeth writes, "The difference it made to us to know that we had been thus prayed for every morning before we were awake was unperceived then, and only God can assess the long-term effects of those prayers throughout the rest of our lives," (page 55).
• Mr. Howard was not only an editor, but he wrote a series of devotionals.  He writes, "A Christian who is saturated with the Word is likely to have a calm, wholesome outlook on life; to be kept steady in the path of God's will in either joy or sorrow, wealth or poverty; he is likely to be a pleasant companion, not voluble in aimless talk; and he will not be overly disturbed by worldly conditions."
• Despite feelings of inadequacy, her father knew his role as priest of his home, responsible for the spiritual training of his children, and took it very seriously.  Elisabeth says, "I am sure my father did not feel adequate in any sense of the word - far from it, in fact,  He spoke of his own weaknesses with sorrow.  But he knew his job. By God's grace he did it, without fuss or fanfare," (page 59).
• "'Head of the house' did not mean that our father barked out orders, threw his weight around, and demanded submission from his wife. It simply meant that he was the one finally responsible.  He took care of us.  He was the provider and the protector, making it possible for our mother to do her job full-time.  She did the inside work, he did the outside, generally speaking...he made us feel safe," (page 75).

The LORD's Day

• "We always went to Sunday School, and we always went to church.  Of course.  These are public means of grace, and there was never any discussion about our going, any more than about family prayers or any of the other regular habits our parents kept," (page 68).
• The Howard children were required to sit still in church: "To control movement in obedience to parents enables a child to control movement later in obedience to his own will," (page 70).  They also sat together in worship as a family, and those who could read were required to follow the service in the hymnal, prayer book, and bible.
• Her mother cooked a large meal on Sunday afternoons and they usually invited guests.  Everyone stayed in their church clothes throughout the meal. 
• Sundays were limited to quiet activities - "Bible games, books carefully chosen for Sunday reading, walks.  If there was a....meeting at church in the afternoon, we went to that," (page 71).

This has been such an enjoyable read so far, and I have learned so much from peering into the lives of Elisabeth's parents.  I'd recommend putting this one in your Amazon basket.  I'm going to because I can't underline in my mother-in-law's book (and besides, I think I'll need to reread it every few years!).  Let's seek to use their example to establish a Godly legacy in our homes.